This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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