this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
