from now on my penis is your penis
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
