I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think my moral compass just broke
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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