somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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