I haven't been this sober since birth.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
