remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
