Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
