Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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