I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
