Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize