he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
