Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
