We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
