Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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