Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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