I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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