It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize