Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
