So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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