Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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