I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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