Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
