btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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