I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
