on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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