I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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