Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
