my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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