I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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