NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this will be a night to untag.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
