my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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