Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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