Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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