It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
