you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
