I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
