I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
