i would punch a child for taco bell
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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