How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
