zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize