oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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