Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
