You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
