party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
