Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
