My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
