She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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