im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
