I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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