I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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