Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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