just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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