i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
