My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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