I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
