You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
