I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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