what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
