shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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