Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have to summon your inner elephant
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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