You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
