So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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