I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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