the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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