I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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