when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
