Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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