So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
