My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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