haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
