how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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