i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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