If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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