i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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