Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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