I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
