I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
