Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
