goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
