Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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