I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would fuck him just for his dog
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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