do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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