He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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