ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
