You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
